Lessons from a Survivor

  • Published
  • By Amy Rollins
  • Skywrighter Staff
WRIGHT-PATTERSON AIR FORCE BASE --  Editor's note: Having the ability to recover from or adjust to misfortune or change is the definition of resilience, and that's something the Air Force wants all personnel to have as they deal with the stress that is part of their daily lives as they support the Air Force mission.

A group of five certified Master Resilience Trainers at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base is training assistants so resilience courses may be offered across the installation. The training is being incorporated into Professional Military Education, Airmen Leadership School (ALS), Wingman Day and training for specific units and organizations.

The following profile features an Airman who exemplifies the training's identified resilience components: counting blessings; examining how one's brain reacts to an event; checking your playbook; balancing your thinking; instant-balancing your thinking; accomplishing goals; being mindful; drawing meaning from difficult situations; being spiritually resilient; being physically resilient; solving interpersonal problems; listening well; and responding in an active, constructive way.

Nicole Skapik, a portfolio management contractor for Global Support Services (GSS), a wholly owned subsidiary of Bering Straits Native Corp., has had a lot on her plate for some time, but especially since Dec. 28, 2011.

That's when Skapik was laid off from the second of two systems she'd worked on during her 13 years at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. The single mother of four had been used to juggling her kids and career on her own until then, but unemployment was a new reality for her.

Things grew much worse the night her eldest child, daughter Katy, was involved in a car accident on June 18, 2012, suffered a traumatic brain injury and was lifted by Careflight to Miami Valley Hospital. Katy spent three months there with broken bones, a split sternum, a punctured spleen and a head that "swelled to the size of a watermelon," Skapik recalled. Skapik virtually moved in to the hospital to serve as a "cheerleader" and rally her daughter's independent spirit. Katy's brain injury meant she had to learn how to do everything for herself all over again.

"With brain injuries, they go back through the same phases as through life - they start out as a baby and go through the ages. She wakes up and she's not independent anymore - she had to depend on me and she didn't like it," Skapik said.

Two of her three sons moved in with relatives as she devoted herself to her daughter's care.
The mother distributed Katy's extra finger paints, used for therapy, and stuffed animals around the ward to cheer other patients, too. She tried to reassure other families in the intensive-care unit waiting room that things would work out.

By August, Katy had been through rehabilitation, was convalescing at home and gaining strength, but Skapik faced a daunting pile of bills and her house was in foreclosure. Not qualifying for unemployment, she had to face reality, she said. She even applied for a job at McDonald's, but was overqualified.

She struggled to find a job in the corporate world outside the base, but hit a lot of snags as she realized her skill set wasn't immediately transferable.

A former coworker, John Graves, let her know on LinkedIn in January 2013 that a base position for which she would be qualified might be coming available.
"I'd lost hope of ever coming back here," she said.

She also was losing hope of saving her home, but Ohio's Save the Dream foreclosure prevention program provided her with enough funds to keep her house and a roof over her kids' heads. After a Wright-Patt Credit Union lawyer made a call, the sheriff's scheduled auction date came and went on the calendar.

Finally, in June 2013 she accepted a position with BTAS. Not a week later she was offered her current GSS position - the same one Graves had mentioned in January.

What life is like now.

Katy is almost recovered now and is taking a nursing class at Clark State Community College. Skapik's eldest son will get the kind of "senior year of high school" celebration he missed out on when his sister was injured as he graduates from a job-training program this fall. Skapik's 16- and 13-year-old sons are back in the family home and life is rolling along, she said.

As for what she's learned, Skapik has done that - in spades, she said.

· "I was a control freak for years, and I didn't appreciate the job I had. I tried to control my kids and everything else in my life. Now I'm much calmer and take things in stride. I'm more grateful for what I have."

· "I thought I was indispensable. I learned I wasn't. But I'm so happy in my current position. I love coming to work. I feel like my spot was created for me."

· "You do need to network in your career in case you lose your job."

· "I became closer to my mom. I needed her and she was there for me. My grandmother, who worked at Wright-Patt for 50 years and was battling cancer, came up from Florida to help me when Katy had her accident. I come from a long line of strong Freeland (her maiden name) women."

· "Even in your darkest moment, don't go crazy. Take one - only one - minute. Then go to the next minute. Then the next minute. Otherwise your thoughts start spinning and you don't know what to do. That's how you make it through."

· "Set goals every day, even if it's just getting out of bed, straightening the front room and putting out three resumes."

· "Even when your heart is crushed (by events), your brain keeps going. I am still getting over the hurt I felt from everything. But if life is easy, you're never going to be strong. That's why you are given the hard times and low points in life."

· "Single mothers can do it. For some reason, a lot of women don't think they can do it on their own. I'm here to tell you, they can. Don't expect too much; cover the basics and that's good enough. You'll be surprised what your kids learn watching you during these trials. They become very good at judging the good and the bad."