WRIGHT-PATTERSON AIR FORCE BASE, Oh -- There is no disputing we have been navigating turbulent times for what seems like an eternity. “Fear not, this too shall pass.”
I’m sure many of you have heard that last quote a time or two, and it may seem unlikely at times. Trust me, I get it. However, I’d like to offer some advice on how one can pilot through storms such as these to find inner peace and take purposeful action.
Many years back, Stephen Covey published the concept of three spheres: the Circle of Concern, Circle of Influence and Circle of Control. I’d like to focus on the former and latter, concern vs. control.
Imagine two circles containing all the thoughts and ideas that run through your mind on a daily basis. Now, let’s separate those into two categories: concerns and controls. Simply put, what am I currently worrying about and what can I do about it?
Our concerns are the wide range of worries that randomly pop up when we’re in the middle of conversations, the doubts that keep us up at night, and all the “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve” that strips us of celebrating our own successes. They are the guilts, fears and resentments that wreak havoc on our internal fortitude.
All of this worry takes a heavy toll on our brainpower, affects our overall outlook and adds distress to our lives. So why do we continue to dwell on the past or fear for the future? Because it’s much easier to be negative or reactive, and we strive to be relatable.
What I mean by that is it’s easy and relatable to find a conversation to jump into and start bashing a celebrity, world leader or peer. It’s easy and relatable to be negative, cynical and sarcastic — just ask my 11-year-old. It’s also far easier to react to a situation than figure out how to prevent it.
Being positive and staying in your lane is hard work and takes discipline. Who has time for that?
I’m hoping we all do and we can shift our focus to things actually within our Circle of Control.
Control is being able to directly do something about a situation. Focusing on what is in our Circle of Control reduces wasteful time ruminating on things you can do absolutely nothing about. Switching your mindset from reactive worry to proactive action permits us to connect to progress, achievement and a resilient lifestyle.
Here are some great tips to follow:
- When you find yourself drifting into negative thoughts, pause, take a deep breath (or two) and bring your mind back to the present.
- Draw a circle and write down all the things that came to mind in the circle (your thoughts).
- Draw a second circle and begin reading each of your thoughts in the first circle. If you can honestly answer “I can do something about that,” jot it down in the second circle.
- After you’ve transcribed your actionable thoughts into the second circle, write “I’m concerned about” above the first and “I can control” above the second.
- Next, grab a pair of scissors and cut the paper in half to separate the two circles.
- Lastly, take the first circle (“I’m concerned about”) and run it through a crosscut shredder, never to be heard from again!
When you find yourself, a friend or colleague getting stuck in some “stinkin’ thinkin’,” remember these tips to refocus your mindset and/or guide others out of concerns to what is within the sphere of control.